Who Says? "Expert" Advice vs. Your Own Wisdom
I have found myself questioning a lot of things lately. As I expand the number and variety of the clients I work with, I get to see how people go about daily life. It's fascinating! From layouts of homes, to product preferences, to their schedule of chores--every household is unique. While that isn't surprising, what has surprised me is seeing a number of people who follow "expert advice" when it comes to things like bed-making, laundry-folding, and dish-washing. To be certain, technology has provided us with an almost-overwhelming number of experts! From websites, podcasts, YouTube videos, and AI, you can find advice on virtually any household task. I always learn something new when I begin working with a client; sometimes I even think to myself, "I've been going about this all wrong!"
Or have I? How about you? Have you had that reaction--"I'm doing this wrong!" Do you read the articles or listen to the podcasts and find yourself overwhelmed by the way things "should" be done? In turn, do you then beat yourself up over not doing the life hacks that are "supposed" to make you more productive, help build momentum in achieving more, and allow you to "grow yourself?"
A Caveat
Before anyone gets the impression that I am against self-improvement or using best practices, I'd like to be clear; we can always do better, and as the old adage goes--when we know better, we do better. What I am against is people feeling as if not 'keeping up' means they are not 'good enough!' No one should ever feel that way.
What is the "Right Way?"
Let's take the example of making your bed in the morning. Everyone from life coaches to a Navy Admiral have stated that making your bed every morning provides a sense of accomplishment and gives you momentum for taking on other tasks. One life coach/podcaster states that "the way you do one thing is the way you do everything." In other words, if you are slipshod or neglectful in a task as insignificant as making the bed--that's how you will show up in all aspects of your life. I am annoyed just typing that sentiment!
Let's look at a working mom who might not make her bed every day. She might:
- Prioritize helping her child make their bed, instilling a good habit while spending time with her child
- Prioritize helping her children with their morning routine, so everyone's life is less chaotic
- Prioritize a few minutes more of sleep, so she can be alert and refreshed, both for her job and her family
- Prioritize getting everyone out the door--herself included--in a timely fashion
- Plan on washing the bedding when she gets home
None of these priorities point to someone who is careless or negligent. These are just different priorities. Yet, if she took the opinions of podcasters and editors to heart--that mom is going walk around feeling less than, as if she is somehow "failing" at being a responsible adult--when that is not the case.
If I could stress one point, it would be this: test out the conventional wisdom.
- Does it work for you?
- If not, can your create your own system?
- Does your own system work for your and for the other members of your household?
- If not, what compromises are possible? Can the other members of your household collaborate to find a solution? Would they be willing to take on the responsibility of completing a task that is of high priority to them?
Just because a solution is not all over Instagram, Pinterest, or TikTok doesn't mean that it is a bad or wrong one. The right solution may very well be the one that is sustainable and effective for you and yours.
A Change of Perspective
I have always been fond of saying, "The only way out is through." Especially when trying to break out of my comfort zone! And there are times that that may be applicable--perhaps when trying to break through a limiting belief, learn a new skill, or deal with a medical situation. However, on a recent episode of the Mel Robbins podcast, psychologist and author KC Davis stated that, "the only way out may not be through, but around." In other words, finding creative solutions around the obstacles that prevent us from completing a task, in order to complete that task--in its entirety or in part. That's right, completing part of the task counts!! Because, Davis states, that is how momentum builds. By walking away from the shame of "not having our act together," we can feel good about what we have accomplished and go from there. Even if the next part is completed another day, we've begun that journey of a thousand miles with one step. Even if that first step is just standing up out of our chair.
KC Davis' emphasis on self-compassion as an antidote to the shame of "doing it all wrong" is a game-changer. The old adage about "catching more flies with honey than with vinegar" applies to ourselves just as much as it does to motivating others. In addition to self-compassion, she also advocates looking at household tasks like laundry, tidying, and grocery shopping as each having a cycle--where they move from completed, to in the process of depleting (fewer clean clothes, less tidy, fewer food items on hand), to being depleted. The key, Davis states, is to have these cycles move at a pace that is functional for you. An example of a dysfunctional pace would be to find yourself out of both clean clothes and food, with an untidy house. Imagine, instead, creating waves of tasks--not a tsunami of tasks all vying for your attention.
If you need help pacing the cycle of your tasks, or someone to actually do the tasks for you, let's chat! Remember the goal is to find creative work-arounds to the obstacles that prevent you from accomplishing the tasks that "should" get done. ChoreVoyant can be a solution to help you solve this dilemma. Call us at (201)707-5813 to find out how we can work with you.
