Celebrating Thanksgiving When Circumstances Don't Feel Celebratory
Sometimes, the holidays arrive and we've just got other things on our plate. Perhaps someone in your immediate family is not doing well physically or emotionally. Maybe this is the first Thanksgiving after a spouse has passed, or after a divorce has been finalized. Whatever the reason, this just isn't the year for a lavish spread and a house full of friends. How do you mark the occasion without succumbing to all the holly-jolly, or wallowing in sadness? For what they are worth, I have a few thoughts.
It's Thanksgiving, Not Thanks-eating or Thanks-peopling
Just because you're not having a stereotypical Norman Rockwell-style Thanksgiving, doesn't mean you're weird, or aren't grateful, or are pitiful. It might be time to explore gratitude and Thanksgiving in a little different way.
- Extend yourself grace. Get comfortable with the idea that your Thanksgiving doesn't have to look like anyone else's. Maybe you just want to sleep late and eat pecan pie when the mood strikes. It's fine. The frenzy resumes on Friday, so you can carve out a respite for yourself and those in your household.
- Journal. Writing down the things you are grateful for can lift your spirits. There is always something to be grateful for! The love you have known, a sunny sky, and if it is a grey day--how those evergreens stand out against the sky. Look for beauty and good, and write it down.
- Have some quiet time. Whether it is reading, praying, or meditating, quiet can be good for our souls.
- Conversely, if your household is now consistently quiet--volunteer, or attend a religious service. Being out amongst people can at least break up the day, and perhaps make it not seem so lonely.
- Reach out to a friend. Not everyone has a house full of people on Thanksgiving. A friend may be able to spend at least a portion of the day with you, or may even invite you to be a part of their celebration. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Suggest meeting up for an evening movie, or inviting them to your home for coffee and dessert.
One Tough Day, But a Foundation For Your Resiliency,
No matter what challenge you are facing this Thanksgiving, it is only one day and getting through it--sadly, angrily, quietly, heartbroken--is a step toward moving forward in your current situation. As you journey forward, bright spots will emerge. I encourage you to look for them and to savor them when you find them. There are so many platitudes I could write here, and none of them would alleviate the difficulty of the moment for you. Take comfort, though, that because those platitudes are so plentiful--there must be a grain of truth in them. Hold on to hope, give yourself and your family grace, and try to find something to be grateful for.
Practical Tips
- Eat whatever it is you want. Order it in advance, cook it yourself, or get it delivered. Turkey, cranberries, and stuffing optional.
- Have a film festival. I'm sure the Hallmark Channel has the rom-coms queued up. Star Wars fan? Harry Potter? Watch prequels and sequels 'til your heart's content. Definitely have the popcorn!
- Busy yourself with a project you've been putting off. While others are away from home, or busy entertaining loved ones--you can get a jump on the rest of the holiday season and 2024 by organizing that closet you've been meaning to, or cleaning out the basement. It might not be fun or comforting, but you certainly will have a sense of accomplishment. And if that organizing and cleanout provide you with items to donate, you can feel good about your charitableness!
- Read
- Take a nap
- Give yourself a DIY spa day. Deep-conditioning hair mask? Check. Face mask? Yes, please! Essential oils? They don't call them essential for nothing!
- Watch the sunset
- Make an online donation to your favorite charity
- Take a walk outside. Marvel at the sights, sounds, and smells.
However you choose to spend Thanksgiving, I hope that you find, at the very least, pockets of joy. Better days are ahead. I'm rooting for you.
